


Imports and Exports

by AndreaLyn



Category: Coupling (UK), How I Met Your Mother
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 05:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3679848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndreaLyn/pseuds/AndreaLyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barney goes overseas and meets like-minded men.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Imports and Exports

Barney Stinson had been in London for all of three days and he was  _loving_  it. For one, the British truly appreciated beauty because he couldn’t get ten whole feet without getting groped by an appreciative female’s hand, like they had to have the suit. Barney did not blame them one bit.  
  
He seriously needed to get on the whole ‘annual trip’ idea if this was the response he got. He’d had sex in five bathroom stalls already. Five! Five in three days, not that Ted appreciated that when he’d called the other morning. All Ted cared about was ‘time zones’. The man just didn’t have his priorities in line.   
  
And the  _pubs_. It wasn’t even meant ironically! They actually had those little English pubs and Barney just wanted to go to each and every one of them and do every last attractive woman within…  
  
“…a certain weight threshold,” said a male voice from nearby.  
  
For a long minute, Barney wondered if he’d spoken aloud, but he didn’t have a British accent, so he definitely had to rule out ‘out-of-body experience’. But where had that charming sentence of such truth come from then! His Barney-dar landed on a man sitting back in a chair with a large glass of Guinness and Barney nearly jumped over three chairs and two people to get to him.  
  
“Barney Stinson,” he introduced himself immediately, “I think we’re meant to be. I think we’re bro-mates, you and I and just wait! Hear me out. I’m from Am-er-i-ca,” he sounded out very slowly. “The land of breast implants, bottle blondes, and father complexes so deep that women become the greatest sluts known to mankind and you, you sound like you know what I mean when I say that the worst thing to happen to women is self-esteem and that you have to judge a woman not by her brain, but by the size of her cup and you sir, you are my bro-mate.”  
  
It was at that point that Barney realized he was standing on some guy’s foot.   
  
“Oh hey, dude,” Barney greeted the curly haired guy and the other man looking at him like he was insane.   
  
“Patrick, I think we’ve just met American-version-you,” the other man commented in an incredulous tone.   
  
*  
  
It turned out that Patrick, Steve, and Jeff were all guys who hung out at the bar every night – which scored them a point because hey, just like them – and that apparently Steve was completely whipped – so, British!Ted – and Jeff was sort of like all of Barney’s insane schemes came to life and became Welsh. It was just the right kind of awesome and they indulged every high five that Barney wanted and they laughed with his jokes and even taught him new theories (the giggle loop! Brilliant! That was so going in his blog) and a couple of pick-up lines from Patrick, who apparently had a conquest list to rival Barney’s. He might have been jealous, but he contented himself with the whole ‘overseas’ thing. Sure, if they lived in the same place, it might get tricky, but Barney was Master of the United States. Patrick could keep Britain.   
  
They even had hot friends and Barney found himself eyeing Jane before he got a nudge to the side and a ‘don’t even think about it’ from Steve. ‘Unless, that is, you like your women insane and stalkerish’.   
  
So he just let himself sink into the whole Britishness of the thing and absorbed as much as he could and with one last high five of the night, the Barnacle was out.  
  
*  
  
He returned home to New York with a whole eye for new conquests and a new outlook on life! He had henceforth decided that the world couldn’t possibly go another day without Barney Stinson and the new knowledge he had picked up. He couldn’t keep it to himself either and had been bouncing ever since he got on the plane at Heathrow and was still itching and twitching and had to pay off the cabbie double the fare just so they’d get to the city that much faster.  
  
He nearly sprinted into MacLaren’s that night, skidding to a stop in front of the table and the guys.   
  
“Watch the sea that is New York, boys, because a ship of knowledge is set to dock,” Barney announced, sliding into his usual seat as he ordered a round from Carlos behind the bar. “Let me tell you about a little thing I like to call the  _sock gap_ …”  



End file.
